Fifty Shades of Dulux

Martin Parker

old-fashioned lemonade

     Let's paint it yellow, I suggested brightly, hoping to end a week's indecision.

     Which yellow? my wife asked.

     A yellowy yellow, I ventured, Cheerful and . . .  well, yellowy.

     Men! she exclaimed, opening the Dulux Colour Guide. Choose one.

     I studied the page of tiny yellow rectangles.

     They all look much the same, I said.

     Dear God! she muttered. So, pick any of them.

     Bamboo Shoot, I said.

     Too brown, she said.

     Yellow Crush?

     Too pink.

     Soft Yellow?

     Too orange.

     Lemon Zest?

     Too yellow!

     But we agreed on yellow, I said.

     Yes, dear.

     When I came home from work the kitchen was green.

     It's green, I said.

     It's a greeny yellow, she said firmly.

     The Duty Psychiatrist agrees my present walls show a hint of Lemon White. The Custody Sergeant has promised me his opinion tomorrow. My wife will be unavailable for comment for some time.

 About the author

Much of Martin's humorous verse has appeared in national magazines such as The Spectator, The Oldie and the Literary Review.  His recent book, I THINK I THOUGHT, is the ideal gift for those ageing friends and relatives who are often difficult to buy for and who have had enough of the habitual socks and pot plants.  Details and extracts can be seen at:      www.martinparker-verse.co.uk