by Janet Howson
Storm in a Teacup
“It’s too hot for me, I
like a bit of a breeze.”
“I can’t do anything in
this heat.”
“I have to keep indoors
whilst it’s as hot as this.”
“I just wish it would
rain a bit to clear the air.”
“My lawn has suffered.
It is completely yellow.”
“I can’t sit in the sun
at my age.”
“I have to cover myself
in factor 50 before I put my head out of the door.”
“The sun gives me a
headache if I sit in it.”
“The heat exhausts me.”
“I couldn’t live in a
hot country.”
“It’s lovely to get
inside an air conditioned shop to get away from this heat.”
“I couldn’t believe it.
I paid a lot of money to go to the Caribbean for the sunshine to find when I got
back home it was hotter here.”
“The Central line is
unbearable in this weather.”
“I pity anybody who has
to work in this.”
“I just sweat all the
time. I have had to have three showers a day.”
Pause
“What a miserable
day.”
“What’s happened to the
beautiful weather?”
“I cannot believe it’s
raining in August.”
“It’s gone so cold. “I’m
back in my woollies and long sleeved shirts.”
“We hardly had a summer
and now we are back to grey and miserable again.”
“I would move abroad
tomorrow, somewhere warm, if it wasn’t for the family.”
“Those black clouds look ominous.”
“Where has the sun
gone?”
“It looks like the rain
is settled in for the day. No point in going anywhere in this.”
“I cannot stand this
cold. I was made for a warmer climate.”
“Good thing I always
carry an umbrella with me.”
“This wind cuts into you
like a knife.”
“It wouldn’t surprise me
if we didn’t see the sun again this year.”
“It is always
disappointing weather when the kids break up for the summer holiday.”
“This weather is why we
always go abroad for our holidays. You just cannot rely on it here.”
“I always feel depressed
when it’s grey and rainy like this.”
“The snow looks pretty
for five minutes then it turns into sludge.”
“I’m thinking of getting
a sun lamp.”
“I couldn’t sleep last
night with that storm going on.”
“I have bought a thicker
duvet. I was still cold with our old one.”
“Is it me or are the
winters getting harsher?”
“I can’t even feel my
fingers I am so cold.”
“I can see my breath in
the air and it’s only October.”
“It just makes you want
to stay indoors and turn the central heating up.”
Pause
The British obsession with the weather. It
introduces our conversations and gives them a reliable subject that everyone can
contribute to. It provides a safe comment to be exchanged with strangers you
feel obliged to pass the time of day with. It is a known point of
dissatisfaction and annoyance to the habitants of this Island. It causes no one
any offence as it is only controlled by nature. We all understand it. It needs
no qualifications or academic prowess to join in the debate about it. There is a
camaraderie in our suffering of it. We are free to join either side: those who
love the heat and those who prefer it cooler. It gives us an excuse not to
attend an event we didn’t want to go to anyway. It is a free pass to indulgence
in hot comfort food, hot toddies and nights in front of the television watching
indescribable trivia sharing a box of chocolates.
Pause
We include the weather
in numerous of our well known sayings:
It’s raining cats and dogs.
It put the wind up
me.
Save it for a rainy
day.
A frosty
smile.
Run around like a
whirlwind.
A flood of
tears.
Red sky at night,
shepherd’s delight. Red sky in the morning, shepherd’s warning.
As pure as the driven
snow.
Brass monkey
weather.
Cloud nine.
Indian
summer.
It came like a bolt from
the blue.
It never rains but it
pours.
Steal my
thunder.
Storm in a tea
cup.
Know which way the wind
blows.
One swallow doesn’t make
a summer.
Season of mists and
mellow fruitfulness.
Pause
Then there are the songs
with weather conditions in their titles:
“It’s Raining Men.” The
Weather Girls.
“Here comes the sun.”
The Beatles.
“The Flood.” Take
That.
“Why does it always rain
on me.” Travis.
“Purple Rain.”
Prince.
“Candle in the Wind.”
Elton John.
“Heatwave.” Martha
Reeves and the Vandellas.
“Mr Blue Sky.” ELO
“Singing in the Rain.”
Gene Kelly.
“You are the Sunshine of
My Life.” Stevie Wonder.
“Walking on Sunshine.”
Katrina and the Waves.
“Here Comes the Rain
Again.” Eurythmics.
“Beautiful Day.”
U2
“Riders on the Storm.”
The Doors.
“Good Day Sunshine.” The
Beatles.
“Rain Fell Down.” The
Rolling Stones.”
“A Hard Rain’s a-Gonna
Fall.” Bob Dylan
“Somewhere Over the
Rainbow.” Judy Garland.
“Set Fire to the Rain.”
Adele.
Pause
Do we suffer as a
country from a deviant form of OCD (Obsessive Climate Disorder)?
It is left to the great
bard to finish off with a quote from “Twelfth Night” one of many that include
weather references.
A great while ago the
world begun
With hey, ho the wind
and the
rain;
But that’s all one. Our
play is
done
And we’ll strive to
please you
every day.
923
words.
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