Size Matters

by Roger Noons

a dry sherry

‘Have I grown a second head?’ Richard said, as he walked into the kitchen. ‘Or has my face become comical, an extra moustache perhaps, ears suddenly become pointed?’

    His wife looked up from stirring gravy. ‘What?’

    ‘I’ve just walked into the hall and met our daughter, who looked at me, burst out laughing and ran upstairs. Not her normal reaction when I come home from work and ask her if she’s had a good day. Usually I get a scowl and a shrug.’

    ‘She had an experience on her way home from school.’

    ‘An experience?’

    ‘A man exposed himself in front of her.’

    ‘Oh!… but how does that explain why she laughed at me?’

    ‘Because darling, once she’d got over the shock, she stared at the man and told him it wasn’t as big as her Dad’s … and he ran away.’

    ‘Ah! How does she know … perhaps I left the bathroom door open sometime,’ he mused, almost to himself.’

    ‘I probably told her,’ Laura said.

    ‘You told her about my …’

    ‘It was no doubt during our birds and bees chats. Maybe I said you were bigger than most:—’

    ‘Bigger than … hang on a minute, how many have you seen?’

    After a deep sigh, she announced. ‘You’re the one who brought home magazines and hired  DVDs.’

    ‘Right. What do we do about the dirty old man?’

    ‘I rang the school and they said they would tell the police. Mind you, I think she dealt with it rather well and told her so. I probably wouldn’t have been that quick thinking. If he appears again I doubt he’ll flash Emily. Won’t want another reminder of his inadequacy.’

    ‘Yeah, right, well done Em. What’s for supper?’  

About the author

Roger is a regular Cafe Lit contributor.