Spiced Wine

by Lynn Clement

spiced wine 

 ‘T’was the night before Christmas, when after our dinner

Not a villain was stirring, not even one sinner,

The detective’s stocking was hung up with care,

In hope that Saint Nicholas soon would be there,

The snow it lay softly on the footpath,

The copper’s wife was taking a bath,

The camera pans in on the tranquil scene,

Fooling us all, because then there’s a scream!

The Christmas murder has begun,

The nation tunes in for ghoulish fun,

Inspector’s phone rings by his bedside,

We know what is coming; he’s offered a ride,

Down to the village through the fake snow,

On the edge of our seats - we viewers go,

Will we see blood, or an axe, or a rope?

Maybe a bad man selling some dope,

The Christmas tree lights the village square,

But - by now we all know there’s a murder done there,

The body is laid in the Santa’s grotto,

Pinned on his shirt is a Christmas motto,

The detective will solve that; it’s a clue you see,

We puzzle to fathom it, you and me,

We’re gripped by the gruesome amidst fairy lights,

When in walks an elf in some lurid green tights,

‘It was you,’ says the copper pointing his way,

‘You done it and I can prove it today.’

The elf tried to run but was stopped when his bells,

Got caught in the doorway – we heard his yells!

‘You left this note on the victim’s chest,

I recognise your writing; it’s not the best,

You killed Santa here in this shed,

And pinned the note on his coat of red.

‘Elf and safety applies’, so it says,

‘There’s no way on earth I’m pulling your sleigh.

The reindeers have fled because you are cruel,

I’ll get revenge you big fat fool.’

Take him down and book him Jones,

I’ve had enough I’m going home.’

The Inspector trudges through wind and snow,

He pulls his coat to, his nose all aglow,

His wife is waiting with the red wine,

There’s no way a murder will stop her good time,

We watch fulfilled as he goes out of sight,

Saying:

‘Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!’