by Hannah Retallick
tap water
‘Jeremy,
is the tree meant to be moving?’
‘Huh?’
‘I
said is the…’
‘What,
darlin’? Nah, don’t be silly.’
I told him, I said, ‘Jeremy,
I’m right you know, it’s twitching.’
‘I know you’re right, your
lips moved,’ he said, cheeky like, yesterday afternoon. And he keeps on with the
dishes. I ain't complaining about that part. It’s nice to have a man that does
dishes…did dishes.
Well, all that’s gone and
changed now hasn’t it? He should’ve listened good and proper, and then we
wouldn’t be in this royal mess on Christmas Eve. Should’ve, would’ve,
could’ve…
Today, it doesn’t pay to
talk. Not that I’ve tried like, certainly don’t move, and neither does my
Jeremy. His scarf is tinsel, and his bauble-lined arms are glistening proper
bright in those lights they stuck on us.
A voice from the kitchen:
‘This turkey’s good and done,’ she says. ‘Go lay the table,’ she says. That was
my line before.
Her mister is green and
prickly, standing in the doorway, eying us up like.
‘Darlin’,’ he says to his
missus. ‘Not sure about these two, they need a bit of watering.’
‘Go sort ‘em out then,’ she
says.
While he trickles water into
our shoes, he starts looking at us, probing like. Jeremy don’t move and neither
do I. It don’t pay to move. That was a prickly discovery…
‘Darlin’,’ says the mister.
‘I think we should get new ones – these aren’t great.’
That was Jeremy’s line
before.
We
wouldn’t be in this royal mess on Christmas Eve if he could’ve kept his mouth
shut. Should’ve, would’ve, could’ve… I’m right you know. Treat people as you
want to be treated – that’s what I always say. Now it’ll be us headed for the
bin. Nice work, Jeremy.
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