by Lucy
tea or coffee
Coffee
shop. 3 pm. Wooden table. Pot of tea. One empty chair. She took one sip of her tea,
her eyes staring on a door. She felt nervous a little bit. Her hands were
shaking slightly. 3:01. He’s late.
“Excuse me,
are you Roz?” asked a male voice. She turned her head and looked in the eyes of a young
man. He could be in his twenties. She smiled and nodded. She felt more nervous. He
sat down, and looked at her. People around them were chatting, laughing, and
having conversations. Except them. They were just sitting and looking at each
other.
“So,
Tom...,” she started. “It is nice to meet you,” she tried to act casually,
tried not to be nervous, but her hands were shaking even more. She folded them
in her lap.
“Yes, nice
to meet you too... Roz,” he smiled. In his eyes she could see, that he has lots
of questions.
“I am sorry I was late. There was traffic on a way here,” he
started and she nodded.
“So you do
have a driver's license then,” she said.
“Yes. I got
it two months ago.”
“Congratulations,”
said Roz and took another sip of her tea.
“Thank you.
If you just excuse me for a moment, I would like to order some coffee,” he said
and she nodded. Tom stood up and left the table.
Roz took a
deep breath. This was harder than she expected. She was shaking. But she has to
face it. She has to get this thing done in her life so she can move on.
Tom came
back in a few seconds; he sat back down and looked straight in her eyes.
“I am
really glad you agreed about this. I mean... I have lots of questions and I
just want to know the answers,” he explained. Roz noticed that he was getting
nervous as well.
“Go ahead,”
she said quietly.
“Why did
you...” he started, but then the waitress appeared with a cup of hot coffee. “Thank
you,” he said.
“Why did I
what?” asked Roz.
“Why did
you give me away?” he asked.
Roz looked
at him. She wasn’t expecting that he will ask this question straight away. She
could feel the sweat dripping down from her neck.
“When I
discovered that I am pregnant,” she started, “I felt scared. I wasn’t ready to
have a baby. I was only twenty-one and that night when it happened, it was just one big
mistake. When I told my doctor that I don’t want to have a baby, he told me
that it’s too late for abortion so I decided to give you better life with
better people because I wasn’t ready to be a mother. I was still studying and I
was living only with my dad. When I told him, that I am pregnant, he went
mental. He was shouting at me, calling me a whore and a slut but he didn’t know
how it happened and I was too scared to tell him the true story” Roz swallowed
hard.
“What is
the true story? How it happened?” asked Tom, his eyes were full of tears.
“Listen,
I’ve never told anyone and I don’t want to tell you because it’s not a nice
story. I just want you to know, that I wanted to give you better life and I
hope that it turned out well. I hope you’ve had an amazing childhood with
lovely parents and with all the things I wouldn’t be able to give to you.”
“I spent my
childhood in a system. No one wanted me until I was 10 and then one day, I was
adopted. I...” Tom wiped his eyes and Roz looked at him.
“Tom, I am
so sorry. I had no idea...”
“Of course
you had no idea! You just gave me away!” he shouted. He sounded hurt. “I bet
you didn’t even look at me when I was born! You just turned your head away!” He
was crying now and all the people stared at them. Roz didn’t say a word. She
tried to take his hand but he didn’t let her.
“Tom,
please...,” she tried to explain.
“No,” he
said. “Just answer me this question: have you ever thought of me? Have you ever
regretted your decision?”
Roz looked
at him.
She
remembered that day when Tom was born. She was in so much pain, crying and
wanted the pain to end. It took twelve hours to give a birth to that little baby.
“It’s a
boy,” said the doctor who was holding the crying baby. “Are you sure you don’t
want to look at him?”
“Take him
away. I don’t want to see him,” she said. She was tired. She felt sorry for
him, for the innocent little boy but she couldn’t look at him.
“Do you
want to name him?” the doctor asked.
“Tom,” she
sighed.
The baby
was crying even more. He wanted to be with his mum, to feel the warm feeling of
love and be loved. Roz didn’t turn her head. Tears were falling down from her
eyes, and in a few minutes, she didn’t hear him anymore. He was gone.
After few
days, when Roz was able to leave the hospital, the doctor asked her, if she
wanted to change her mind, but Roz shook her head. She was ready to leave this
part of her life behind her.
So, after twenty years, when she got an email from young men called Tom, she was terrified.
But also one part of her wanted to meet her son; she wanted to know how he
looks like, what is he like.
“Can you
answer me then?” said Tom and Roz blinked. She was back in a presence. “Have
you ever regretted your decision of giving me away?” he asked again.
Roz took a
deep breath. “No,” she said clearly and then she left.
About the author
Lucy is originally from Czech Republic. She moved to England two years ago. She has always loved writing and making stories.
She started Creative Writing in Woodbridge which in
September 2018.
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