by Anne-Marie Swift
a cup of jasmine tea
The plane is full, the way planes always seem to be full nowadays, people crowding and jostling to get on, scrabbling to squash bags into overhead lockers.
Danny
sits in seat 10C – his regular business travel seat. Today, however, he is
wearing orange shorts, blue flip flops and a fake Armani t-shirt. Seats A and B
are empty in spite of the full plane.
Danny
is heading home.
On the
way out, his plan had seemed so very clear, so very straightforward. He was
fuelled by anger and a sense of being absolutely in the right. He knew, without
a doubt, that what he was doing was the right thing, it was what anyone in his
situation would do.
On the
way out, he travelled in his business suit. Wearing the linen suit, he was
strong and in control, and if the leather shoes with the long, pointed toes did
hurt a little, they also said “money” in clear loud tones and money, Danny
knows, means power.
The plane took off and Danny looked at the crossword in his
newspaper instead and though the black and white squares seemed to be moving and
blurring into each other, he did start to feel calmer and relaxed, just as he
had felt when he first sat down.
For the
rest of the twelve hours Danny tried, and failed to watch a movie on the
four-inch screen in front of him. He took his laptop out of his briefcase and
tried, and failed, to concentrate on a complex quote he was putting together for
a customer. He’d taken leave from his job, but it if you wanted to get on, Danny
knew, you’d better be there, be available the whole time.
Keep
working, keep pushing forwards, keep phoning the customers, keep the deals
coming, keep the money coming in. This was Danny’s philosophy and though Sunisa
had left him, taking the children with her, so his home and his soul were both
empty, it was what he clung to.
An
airline meal arrived: yellow sauce concealing a piece of chicken; chewy
formerly-frozen bread roll, a dizzyingly sweet pudding. Danny took a mouthful of
everything, just enough to keep his energy levels up. He noted that the guy next to him had eaten
everything on the tray and washed it down with a Coke. Danny tried, and was
surprised to succeed, in obtaining an additional helping of wine, which enabled
him to sleep soundly for a couple of hours.
He was
woken by the gentle sobbing of the guy next to him, who was looking at a photo album and
crying softly. He could see the photo of a Thai girl – or was a boy really? –
and he could guess the whole sad story and he just didn’t want to know. He had
his own stuff. So, he closed his eyes again and the guy stopped crying and
drifted off to sleep, his head lolling amiably onto Danny’s shoulder and Danny
had to fight the urge to give the guy a strong hard push, enough to hurt. And of
course, there would be a greasy mark on Danny’s expensive-looking light linen
jacket and his neck was still hurting where the laptop had crashed onto his
head.
But
then they had landed and everyone was rushing for the overhead lockers and the
stewardess was pleading, “Please don’t stand until the plane has come to a final
standstill” and Danny felt wired and hot and ready for action and he didn’t care
anymore about the fat sad loser, who never would find the girl or boy he was
looking for, he was just ready to go and do what he needed to do.
Now, on
the way back, the doors closing, stewardesses performing the emergency ritual,
screens dropping down, air already stale, Danny still can’t work out what went
wrong.
In
Bangkok he got off the plane, pushing his way out through the Business Class,
one of the first through passport control, his papers in order of course, they
always were, then racing to the taxi rank. He was travelling hand luggage only,
as always. Danny laughed at the guys he worked with who needed to check luggage
in. What a waste of time. Though it was true, he spent hours at the weekends
decanting toiletries from big bottles to smaller. He hadn’t known how long it
took until Sunisa went and he had to do it all himself. There were a lot of
things he hadn’t known until she left him.
“Blimey”
he said to one of the blokes he worked with “I had no idea how bloody
complicated the house is. Can’t work the washing machine to save my life and I
had to drive round the block with the top down and my shirts on the back seat to
get them dry in time for work”.
They
laughed at him and his boss said, “You’d better get online, get a new wife” and
they laughed again. Nobody asked where she’d gone, what had happened to the
kids. Sunisa was gone and that was that.
She
hadn’t left a note, but then again, she didn’t need to. She’d talked enough
about taking the kids to Thailand, letting them meet their Thai family, letting
them learn to speak some Thai, and what Danny had done each time she mentioned
it was basically to agree. Yes, he said, yes it would be a great idea and they
could all go for a year or so, and he could probably work out of the office in
Bangkok, what difference did it make where you were working from nowadays? Yes,
he always said, yes, but don’t go on about it, I’ve had a hell of a week and
there’s this big deal coming up and after we’ve done the deal I’ll have some
time to think about it.
Once
she’d gone, he realised he didn’t have a clear idea of where, but it hadn’t been
too difficult to find out, just a few quid bunged to a secretary in the Bangkok
office. It wasn’t rocket science He knew now where the kids were, what times
they went to school, what classes they were in. He probably knew more than he
had when the kids lived at home.
The
taxi stopped outside the school. There was Thai pop music on the taxi radio.
They waited. The driver turned the engine off so there was no more air
conditioning. Danny and the driver both smoked. Danny sat and sweated into his
business summer clothes. He didn’t want to look like some dickhead tourist in
shorts and flip-flops. He wanted the kids to see him as he saw himself: strong
and powerful, the kind of guy who made things happen. He’d had to take the
jacket off when the fat bastard had sweated all over it but he was still in
shirt and trousers and even if his feet felt as though they were being boiled
alive, he knew the shoes spoke loud and clear.
At 4:30
the school day ended. Children pouring out of school doors, a sense of slight
chaos, but everyone knowing where they were going. Not so different from the end
of the school day at home though Danny had rarely been around to pick them up
and even when he was supposed to, he’d often ended up sending one of the
secretaries or occasionally even a colleague. He watched the stream of kids.
Would he even recognise his own two?
He did,
of course he did. Suddenly there they were, coming together in the playground.
His stomach lurched, as if he’d been punched. He hadn’t imagined this, this
sudden feeling of what he could only describe as love.
His
kids were slightly taller, slightly paler than the others. They looked happy and
relaxed, they were talking to their classmates. How could that be? How had they
learnt Thai? How long had they been gone? Danny realised that nine months had
gone by since Sunisa had decamped.
Both
boys had grown, both were slimmer. They smiled with their friends; there was a
little game of football. His younger son, a little pudgy and slow before,
dribbled the ball easily around another, larger boy. There was laughter.
This
was the moment that Danny was supposed to step out of the taxi, grab his
children, bundle them into the taxi, and tell the driver to head to the airport.
This was the moment his children would thank him for the rest of their lives.
This was the moment that he would be re-united with them and live happily ever
after with his two children. The kids would be pleased to be home, they must
hate it in Thailand, hot and smelly and they don’t speak the language even if
their mother does.
And the
bitch that was his ex-wife could stay and stew on her own in Thailand. She could
see how she liked waking up to a house empty of kids, how she liked looking at
unplayed-with toys, how she liked not telling bedtime stories, and not being
expected to know everything about everything. She could be happy with her Thai
family. Danny would be with the kids and everything would be fine at last.
Danny
looked at the children, his children, looked at their happiness, their young
gentle faces, and saw how it would really play out. He closed the taxi door.
‘Hotel,
mate’ he said.
Seat
10C, two empty seats between him and the window, he tried to work out what had
gone wrong and why he was flying home alone.
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