AND LASTLY, SHORT LOCAL NEWS ITEMS by Chris Darrock, Vimto

 FATAL FALL
The death was announced of Corporal H Egg on
active duty.
 

The full details will be available only after the
inquiry but his parents have been informed by
the army that his was an accidental death and it
is believed caused by a fall.

He had been scaling a wall and fell over 60ft. 

He was immediately supported by members of his
regiment but was proclaimed dead after arrival
at the local field camp.
 

Our condolences go out to his family.

 

CHURCH BELLS RING OUT
It was a sad day at St Cuthbert Church this
last weekend. The Bells tolled to mark the
sad event of the Church cat; firstly being
lost and then being found dead at the
bottom of the well.
 

The vicar has assured all that netting is
now placed over the well in the graveyard
to prevent any further occurrences.   

ACCIDENT PRONE SIBLINGS
The Jackson Twins are once again in the news.
These children have always been known to be
helpful.
 

Sunday last they were attempting to to irrigate
the garden of their neighbour Miss Muffet
(unable to do it herself after a fall sustained
whilst having her breakfast). Finding the church
well netted over (see above) they attempted to
climb to the pond at the top of the hill.
 

Sadly the boy fell and hit his head; his sister
trying to aid him, followed suit. Not badly hurt
they were able to return to Miss Muffet’s garden
where she administered first aid.
 

Let us hope this is the last of the misfortune to
happen to this kindly-disposed pair.

 

FLEECE PRICES
A local farmer having been unable to sell his fleeces
because of the glut in the market. He has resorted to
giving away this by-product of his lamb production.
The three recipients of these gifts are Mistress S.
Dame T and the child the end of his lane.

 

ROAD CLOSURE
Survey has identified that the bridge on
London Road will be closed on the 24th to 27th
of this month for structural repairs

 

OPEN DAY
A NEW VENTURE IS PLANNED
The Macdonald Farm is hoping to diversify to
include a Petting Area close the main A88 road.
Hoping to attract visitors to our area and help all
residents to gain from increased throughput to
shops, restaurants and cafes in the area.
Guests will be encouraged to imitate the sound of
the farm in a unique way to aid children (and
adults) from local towns identify the various
‘country sounds’ . This will include simulated
noises from farm equipment, weather and
importantly animals.

 

Local schools have been encouraged to participate. 

 

RODENT PROBLEMS
Attempts are being made to repair the Town
Hall clock which is always expected to chime
on the hour.
 

Recently chimes could not be heard at one
o’clock. Investigation has taken place and it
was found the mechanism behind the chimes
had had been hampered by a mouse.
 

We have been assured that all will be in order
by the 24th of this month.

About the author 

Chris Darrock is an active member of Bury U3A. She wrote these snippets of news when her creative writing group, that meets on the second and fourth Thursday of the month, were invited to turn well-known stories or nursery rhymes into news items.    

Did you enjoy the story? Would you like to shout us a coffee? Half of what you pay goes to the writers and half to the project.