Elsie’s Story
By Dawn Knox
Drink: Tea and buns
Previously: An unusual
stranger has shaken up the neighbourhood. Gladys, Elsie, Minnie, Daphne and
schoolboy, Cyril, have all witnessed the exotic man. Now Gladys and Elsie are
determined to track him down…
Elsie rapped sharply on
Gladys’s front door. She knocked again until the bolt was drawn inside, and the
door opened. ‘Gladys! You’ll never guess what. Look at this.’
‘And a very good morning to you too,
Elsie.’ Gladys juggled a bowl of cereal in one hand and kept Robert Louis
Stevenson back with one foot, so he didn’t escape. ‘Do come in. How lovely to
see you so early in the morning. And so unexpected.’
Elsie held up the local newspaper. ‘Oh,
don’t be so grumpy, Gladys. I simply had to show you this. I bought it while I was
out jogging.’
Gladys sniggered. ‘Jogging, indeed!’
‘There’s no need for that.’ Elsie’s
cheeks flushed. ‘I’m more active than you.’
‘No, you’re not. You just wear sporty
clothes that make it look like you’re dynamic. You haven’t jogged anywhere
since you heard rumours they’d reduced the prices of the cakes in the patisserie
in town.’
‘Never mind that. Just look at this.’
Elsie waved the newspaper.
‘It’s probably best if you come in
and show me,’ Gladys said, spilling milk from her cereal bowl on the doormat as
she stood on one foot, pushing Robert Louis Stevenson back with the other. ‘I’ll
put RLS in the dining room to cool off.’
Seated at the kitchen table,
Elsie passed the Basilwade Chronicle towards Gladys.
Naked Man on the Loose in Basilwade
Gladys read the front page and gave a sharp intake of breath. ‘That’s
our man.’
‘Well, he’s not ‘our man’, strictly speaking,’ said Elsie, sipping her
tea.
‘No, but I expect we’re the most traumatised by him. We had the greatest
exposure.’
‘We were spying on him, so some might say it was our fault.’
‘Elsie. I’ve told you before, we were carrying out Neighbourhood Watch.
Anyway, I wonder who reported him. It wasn’t Mr Johnson. That’s for sure.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Because I asked him who the man was, and Mr Johnson was remarkably
guarded. It was almost as if he was pretending he hadn’t known the man was in
his garden. But as I told him, he was talking nonsense. The naked man couldn’t
have got into the garden without someone letting him in.’
‘And?’
‘Then he admitted he’d let the man in, but apparently, it’s hush-hush
because of his DNA.’
Elsie frowned. ‘Whose DNA? Mr Johnson’s or the naked man’s? Is it some
kind of hereditary problem?’
‘What are you talking about, Elsie? I wish you’d keep up. Mr Johnson
said he signed the DNA and now he’s not allowed to tell me anything about the
man.’
Elsie paused for a few seconds. ‘I think you mean an NDA, dear. A
non-disclosure agreement.’
‘That’s what I said, Elsie. I wish you’d listen. Anyway, Mr Johnson and
I have fallen out. He is no longer welcome in my house.’
‘Oh dear. That’s a shame. You were getting rather close.’ Elsie dipped two
biscuits in her tea.
‘Yes, indeed. But no more of my sherry or cocktails for him. Or anything
else, for that matter.’ Gladys raised her chin and pursed her lips.
Elsie sighed. ‘So, who else can we ask about the naked man?’
Gladys frowned. ‘He went into Daphne’s, but he wasn’t there long, so
there’s no point asking her. Then he climbed into the Pegwells’. Perhaps Minnie
might have more idea where he went after that.’
‘I could ask Percy Pegwell. I’ve been bumping into him quite a lot
recently.’ Elsie’s cheeks flushed again. ‘He’s a really nice man.’
Gladys’s frown deepened. ‘Yes, so you keep telling me. Anyway, he seems
very pleasant. I’ve no idea what he sees in Minnie, though.’
Elsie licked her finger and lowered her head as she turned the pages of
the newspaper to hide her flaming cheeks. ‘Hmm. Perhaps there’ll be more
mentions of our man inside. Well, I never! Look at that. I think I might have
solved the mystery.’ She turned the newspaper for Gladys to see.
‘Tiberius Tromploy presents his World Famous Circus of Delights and
Wonders,’ Gladys read aloud. ‘You may be on to something, Elsie. Those arty
types will take their clothes off for anyone.’
‘I think that’s rather a sweeping generalisation, Gladys, but in this
instance, it fits perfectly. Our man belongs to the circus.’
Gladys tapped the newspaper with one forefinger. ‘Just wait until I tell
Mr Johnson I know whose DNA he has. That’ll serve him right for being such a clever
clogs.’
‘But we don’t know which man is ‘our man’. Look, there are lots of
performers listed in that circus advert. Let’s write them down and discuss
them. You know, like they do in the police force when they’ve got a list of
suspects. We could be Scrivener and Winterbottom – sleuths of Basilwade.’
‘Don’t be so ridiculous, Elsie. And anyway, it would be Winterbottom and
Scrivener. But a list can’t hurt.’ Gladys fetched a notepad and pen and wrote
all the names in the advert.
‘Who’s first,’ Elsie asked.
‘Tiberius Tromploy. But I don’t think it could be him. Look at the
picture. He’s got a ridiculous twirly moustache.’
‘That’s a drawing. He might not look as plump as that in real life, and
he might have shaved.’
‘True, but the illustration must bear some likeness to him. It’s his
circus; he’d hardly use an image that didn’t have some resemblance.’ Gladys
crossed his name off the list.
‘Who’s next?’ Elsie asked.
‘Manny the Bendy Bunny.’ Gladys scratched her head with the end of the
pen. ‘What do you think a bendy bunny is?’
‘A flexible rabbit?’
‘That doesn’t sound like a very exciting circus act. Shall I leave him
on the list of suspects?’
‘Yes, I suppose so.’
Gladys ticked Manny’s name. ‘The next is Pablo the Pudding Wrestler.
Could it be him?’
‘It’s possible. Our man was fit like you’d expect a wrestler to be, and I
imagine he could have wrestled anything, even a pudding.’
Gladys frowned. ‘But when you think about it, how fit do you have to be
to wrestle a pudding?’
Elsie looked up and contemplated the ceiling. ‘I can’t help my
imagination conjuring up the image of a Sumo Wrestler hugging a Christmas
pudding.’
Gladys followed Elsie’s gaze. ‘Yes, my imagination can see that, too.
It’s a hard picture to banish. Anyway, Elsie, you eat a lot of puddings. Do you
often need to overpower them? And if so, how hard are they to body slam?’
‘I do not eat a lot of pudding,’ Elsie said crossly. ‘But if I did, and
I had trouble with a particular pudding, I suspect I could easily disarm and
immobilise it.’
Gladys crossed Pablo out. ‘No, he’s not our man.’
‘Who’s next?’ Elsie said sharply, still annoyed at Gladys for assuming
she ate lots of pudding.
‘Brenda the Bearded Person. Obviously not.’ Gladys crossed that name
out. ‘Bungling Bones the Turnip? No, perhaps not.’ She crossed that one out
too.
‘That leaves Punchy and Piquant, the twin champion high-wire clog
dancers.’
Gladys crossed them both out.
Elsie stared. ‘What did you do that for?’
‘Oh, Elsie, for goodness’ sake, keep up! You might have been seeing
double, but I assure you there was only one man in Mr Johnson’s garden. Punchy
and Piquant are twins.’
Elsie pressed her lips together and frowned. ‘Twins don’t always go out
in pairs. Our man might be one of the twins. You’re being very sharp, this
morning, dear. I’m finding it quite upsetting.’
Gladys’s shoulders sagged. ‘Yes, I apologise, Elsie. I’m still cross
with Mr Johnson, but that’s no reason to take it out on you. You’re right, it could
be Punchy or Piquant. Although our man wasn’t wearing clogs. But he looked
athletic, so he could be a high-wire clog dancer.’ She looked at the remaining
names on her list. ‘That leaves Manny the Bendy Bunny and either of the clog
dancing twins, Punchy and Piquant.’
‘What do we do now, Gladys?’
‘There’s only one thing for it…’
Elsie’s eyebrows rose in question.
‘We need to go out and buy tickets for the circus so we can find our
man. Come on.’
‘Now? I’ve already had my exercise for the day.’
‘I think you’ll find, Elsie, that when they recommend Five a Day for
your health, they’re not referring to five steps a day, they’re referring to
portions of vegetables and fruit.’
‘Oh, hilarious, I’m sure.’
‘And if we go now to buy tickets, we can stop off on the way home at Le
Bunnoir for tea and buns.’
‘Now you’re talking. Lead on.’
It had been a good idea to
arrive at the circus box office early because they’d managed to buy ringside
seats for that evening. Gladys got her pad out and sat with pen poised, making
notes as each act performed.
It was strange how, despite the audience being seated all around the
ring, the circus performers spent more time in front of Elsie and Gladys than
anyone else.
The woman sitting next to Elsie leaned over and whispered. ‘I’m glad I
sat next to you.’
‘You are?’
‘Of course. You’re obviously talent scouts and the acts all want to be
scouted, so they’re performing just for you.’
‘Well, that was a very different
evening,’ Gladys said as they set off home along Basilwade High Road. ‘Although
we’re no closer to identifying our man. He wasn’t there.’
‘Manny the Bendy Bunny was quite a disappointment. He wasn’t even that
bendy.’
‘I know what you mean. But it was interesting to see a human turnip.’
‘Hmm. Well, it was a lovely evening out, even if we failed to find our
man. Although if you want a new career, Gladys, you could always become a
talent scout. How many business cards do you have?’
‘Six from assorted clowns, three from various jugglers, two from bare-back
riders, one from the human turnip, one from the lion tamer with her pride of
ten lions and another from a high-wire clog dancer.’
‘Just the one clog dancer?’
‘Punchy said he’d had an artistic disagreement with his twin and wanted
to branch out. Apparently, he also does a balancing act juggling chainsaws.’
Elsie sighed. ‘So much for Scrivener and Winterbottom. The intrepid
sleuths have reached a dead end.’
‘Winterbottom and Scrivener. And we still have one avenue left open.’
‘We do?’
‘Certainly. I’m going round to see Mr Johnson, and I intend to get the
information out of him, DNA or no DNA. Once I get a few Piña Coladas inside
him, he’ll be spilling beans all over the place.’
‘That’s not a very wholesome image you’ve just conjured up there,
Gladys. Piña Coladas and beans.’
‘But I’m determined it’ll work.’
‘Well, in that case, I ought to do my bit. I’ll visit Percy Pegwell and
question him. Minnie is out tonight at her bridge club.’
After Elsie had left Gladys, she did a half-skip. After she’d seen
Percy, she’d go home and finish her box of doughnuts. Sleuthing was demanding
work, and she was famished. Then, perhaps she’d check out the business card one
of the trapeze artists had pressed into her hand. He hadn’t been the man she
and Gladys had been seeking, but it wouldn’t hurt to telephone him tomorrow anyway
and have a chat. Perhaps they could meet up?
Elsie half-skipped again. Her social life was looking up.
If you’d like to read the previous stories you can find them here:
Glady’s Story is here - https://www.cafelitmagazine.uk/2024/03/gladyss-neighbourhood-watch-by-dawn.html
Minnie’s Story is here - https://www.cafelitmagazine.uk/2024/04/minnies-story-by-dawn-knox-milk-shake.html
Cyril’s Story is here - https://www.cafelitmagazine.uk/2024/05/cyrils-story-by-dawn-knox-lashings-of.html
Daphne’s Story is here - https://www.cafelitmagazine.uk/2024/06/daphnes-story-by-dawn-knox-green.html
About the author
Dawn’s three previous books in the ‘Chronicles Chronicles’ series are ‘The Basilwade Chronicles’, ‘The Macaroon Chronicles’ and 'The Crispin Chronicles' published by Chapeltown Publishing. 'The Post Box Topper Chronicles' is coming soon.
You can follow her here on https://dawnknox.com
on Twitter: https://twitter.com/SunriseCalls
Amazon Author: http://mybook.to/DawnKnox
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