Monday 15 July 2024

Jan Hates 2024 by Judith Skilleter, whisky and ginger wine

Jan is hating this year and especially this time of this year. She has a sports-mad husband and four sports-mad sons. Oh, to have had a daughter with whom she could go shopping and discuss fashion and make-up and hairstyles and fiction and all sorts. Oh, to wash dainty feminine things instead of having the washing machine going every day with mud stained, torn and soaking sports gear. Experience has taught her not to believe the washing detergent adverts on TV. They lie, she reckons. There are sports stains that never come out. It is the same with dishwasher tablets, after five hungry males have finished a meal a Brillo pad is the only thing that can clean very dirty plates.

And her boys are constantly growing, especially their feet.  Jan is constantly horrified by the price of trainers and football boots and cricket footwear.  And of course her boys ruin each pair so that they cannot be handed down to a younger brother. It has to be new ones every time. And that is why Jan works.  She is a specialist nurse at the local hospital and when at work, where she looks after so many very ill people, she thanks a God, if there is one, that all her boys, including Richard her husband, are fit and healthy. They would also be very clever if their minds occasionally switched off from sporting activities. Jan’s salary goes straight into the sports gear account. She had hoped, once, before she gave birth to four active boys, that her earnings would pay for holidays in Spain or the South of France. She had hoped that her earnings would pay for treats and nice clothes and shoes for herself. She had hoped that she would pay for improvements in their house. Well, the latter hope has come good if you assume that improvements means she pays for breakages usually caused by active males.

And then there is food. The amount of protein-rich and therefore expensive food that comes into their house and disappears almost immediately is unbelievable. Her food bill is always crazily high. Jan is always amazed at the amount of food her sons and husband get through.

This year, 2024, is particularly bad because as well as football – all four boys in school teams, two, nearly four, boys in local teams not forgetting the over 40's team where her husband is goalkeeper and trainer and manager. Then there is the cricket season sneaking in unannounced – cricket whites for four and those dreadful cricket teas. God, if there is one, must have been having a bad day when he invented quiches and sausage rolls. And, of course, she has to contend with full time sport on TV. This year sees the Euros, the Olympics, Wimbledon and important athletics from somewhere abroad. And the gap between the end of one football season and the beginning of another is getting shorter and shorter. Grrrr.

Jan’s husband Richard however thinks he is in seventh heaven. He works from home doing demanding but not unpleasant work that pays well. He has four sons who adore anything that involves kicking or hitting or throwing a sphere. (Thankfully rugby, league or union, had not caught the boys’ attention - yet) His sons are 15, 13 and 11 year old twins and the twins are shoo-ins for the under 12 local team next year, nicely following their older brothers. They have all been spotted by professional teams but Jan has put her foot down at this. No way are her boys going to attend football academies or their equivalent until after their GCSEs. She has heard so much about these academies where young boys build their hopes up so much about being a successful premier league footballer and earning so much money it would be impossible to count and then they are cruelly discarded. Jan will not take the chance that her boys might be cruelly disappointed at a time in their lives when their resilience to disappointment is still under-developed.

Jan loves, and she accepts that this is being very selfish, wet weekends when things are cancelled. Rain has to be very heavy for there to be cancellations but what with global warming these wet weekend happen more often than in the past.  Nevertheless wet weekends do not mean that she has intelligent conversations with the five men in her life; four of them usually occupy themselves with sports related computer games and her husband goes to play squash. The four boys have yet to catch on to their dad’s latest craze but Jan is not daft; she knows it will only be a matter of time before she has to buy squash gear for four more. But wet weekends mean Jan can do something for herself and she makes sure she does something special and personal when these times crop up.

Jan also knows that having happy boys is much better than having unhappy boys. Her boys are sociable, articulate, amusing and very mature for their years. This maturity, she knows, is partly due to the discipline of the sports they have played since they were tiny. They know they have to train hard to get what they want and to be selected to play in teams. But they also have to learn to acknowledge the contribution of others in these teams, how to work as a team and not as a bunch of individuals. Her oldest boy now also recognises that he has to work hard at school also to get the results he wants to do sports related topics at university. The penny has dropped. Loughborough University has been mentioned and Loughborough does not take part-timers. Jen has no doubt that this way of thinking will pass down to her three youngest boys whatever they hope to do.

She often grumbles to her husband but he soothes her and says that he is so grateful that she is not only supporting their boys but also indulging him. He promises that their together time will come when the boys are up and off their hands; when the boys are independent and making their own ways in life. He too would love to have relaxing holidays with his wife, with gins and tonic and Aperol spritzes at any time of the day. But not yet. It is important that their precious boys get established and then the time will be theirs, Jan and Richard’s time. Unless, he always says, and with a twinkle, she would like to have another baby. At this point Jan usually leaves the room and gets a strong gin and tonic; the thought of a fifth son gives her shivers.

About the author 

Judith Skilleter is new to writing fiction after a long career in social work and teaching. Her first children's novel The April Rebellion, has recently been published. Judith is a Geordie, who settled in East Yorkshire forty-five years ago and is married with four grandchildren. 

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