It was one of those cold winter afternoons, the fire was blazing nicely, the TV was showing a re-run of an old film – well the Godfather if you must ask and the cat sat on the mat warming herself in front of the fire.
Hold On! I don’t recall having a cat, so where did it come from? Was it an uninvited guest? Was it a temporal visitor from another time? So whose cat was it?
I looked at the cat and asked, “Who are you? Where are you from? Do you come in peace? Can you speak?"
The Cat On The Mat just ignored me, the film
continued to play on the TV, all was quiet. What should I do about this time
travelling cat? Well I’d already decided
that this member of the feline species had travelled back in time from ‘Somewhere
In When’ to warm itself in front of my fire.
I
mean how did the cat get into my house? The doors and windows were all tightly closed,
it was freezing outside and snow was threatening, so how did the cat get in,
only by time travel I guessed. Did the
cat possibly scamper in when my wife popped out to visit her sister just round
the corner, where was she anyway? Well I don’t think so, she would certainly
have noticed.
Had the cat always sat on the mat, in both the past and present and would it do so till the end of time? Did the cat exist in more than one moment in time and now occupied the past, present and future simultaneously? Did the cat exist in more than one physical state at the same time, both being here and not being here? Anyway whose Cat was it anyway?
So WHEN was the origin of the cat, and what was its past and future? So many questions, so many possibilities, I mean it was certainly looked like an ordinary Cat whatever that was.
So I Googled ‘Time Travelling Cats’, and came up with nothing much more than images of different types of cats; and this supposedly time-travelling cat appeared to be a simple domestic ‘Tabby Cat’, with an orangey-brown colouring, all very straightforward, well in this current period of time anyway.
So the big question was, what should I do with this ‘Time Travelling Cat on The Mat’? Do I need to feed the cat? What does a cat from the future eat anyway? Should I call the Cat Protection League, surely they’ll know what to do with a Time Travelling Cat, won’t they? Was there a Government authority, which dealt with Time travellers, Humans, cats or other species? So I looked it up and there amongst the various headings was the listing for ‘The Department of Time” which gave a simple 0800 number and a +44 number if calling from abroad.
I dialed the 0800 number it was answered by the message; “Thank you for calling The Department of Time, part of The Ministry for Science, Innovation and Technology. Our options have recently changed, so please listen carefully and select from one of the five available. If you’ve received a visitor or communication from the Past press 1, if you’ve received a visitor or communication from the Future press ,2; If you wish to make arrangements to visit the Past press 3, if you wish to make arrangements to visit the Future press 4, and for all other enquiries press 5.”
As I really didn’t know whether the Cat On The Mat was from the past, present or the future, I pressed option 5. The phone clicked and the voice continued, “Thank you, all our operatives are busy right now but your call is important to us. Please continue to hold, and one of our operatives will answer your call in a moment of time.” So I held on. Meanwhile the phone played a variety of time-related music, such as the Rolling Stones’ ‘Time is on my Side’ and Bill Hailey’s ‘Rock around the Clock’, whilst I waited and waited, then a voice answered, “Can I help?” Just then my wife returned from her sister’s and the first thing she said when she came in was, “Did you remember to feed Schrodinger the Cat?”
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