Tuesday, 4 February 2025

Advice from the Grave by Robin Wrigley, black coffee

‘I suppose it really is my fault.’

     ‘Do you mean you are pleading guilty?’

     ‘No of course not!’

     ‘Look Reynolds, this has gone on just a little too long. Either you did it or you didn’t.’ The detective sergeant looked sideways at his female, uniformed colleague raising his eyebrows in apparent frustration.

     ‘What do you mean, it has gone on too long?’ Looking at the clock behind the policeman I said, ‘It is now just gone eleven. You picked me up at half past eight and I’ve been here trying to explain to you that this is a complete mistake. Most of the time has been taken up by me sitting here waiting while you got your act together, if it can be called an act.’

     ‘So why did you say it must be your fault? The detective flipped through his file and shifted himself in his chair, before looking again at me in such a way as to draw an acceptable response.

     ‘What I meant was, I should have listened to my wife who always told me to mind my own business and not speak to strangers, particularly school kids.’

     ‘Where is your wife now? Could she corroborate that advice?’

     ‘She could if you’ve got someone who is capable of communicating with the dead.'

      ‘Oh, I apologise I had no idea.’

     ‘That is becoming quite obvious,’ I allowed myself a wry smile.

     Again the detective looked thoroughly irritated. ‘How long is it since she died?’

     ‘Is this really relevant?’

     ‘It might be – loneliness can cause people to act in many different ways.’

     I leaned forward over the table separating us in order to emphasise my next words. ‘First, who said I was lonely? Secondly if, and I mean if I was, would I molest two whatever-their-age school girls in broad daylight? Do me a favour and give me the benefit of having some intelligence, please.’

     ‘If you had sat this side of this desk as many years as I have Mr Reynolds nothing would surprise you, believe me.’

     It was now the turn of the uniformed woman police constable. ‘Are you suggesting that these two young ladies made all this up? Can you seriously believe that just because you ticked them off for smoking they would go to all this trouble to make up a story like this?’

      ‘Your colleague here has just gone through telling me that stranger things happen all the time, unless I got the wrong impression. First of all they are not ladies by my understanding of the title lady. They are school-girls probably thirteen or fourteen years old. Not ladies.’

     ‘Alright, alright.’ It was the turn of the detective to take charge again. ‘You’re right about their ages, give or take, but old enough to know what happened to them. They are both adamant that you sexually assaulted them.’ The detective looked directly into my eyes again and opened both his upturned hands in a manner to suggest his last remark went without question. ‘Tell me, what is your occupation Mr Reynolds?’

     ‘I assume this, along with being a widower is relevant?

     ‘It might well be.’

     ‘Especially, if I was a piccolo player in a Chinese brothel? But sadly I wasn’t. I was a loss adjuster at Barclays until I retired ten years ago.’

     ‘Why did you visit the public toilets at seven-thirty yesterday morning? You only live about half a mile from there. Wouldn’t you normally use a toilet in your own home?’

     ‘Normally is an interesting word officer. Can I ask how old you are?’ I skewed my head slightly, enjoying the moment of being the giver of a question.

     ‘No you can’t, I’ll do all the questions if you don’t mind.’ The detective’s level of irritation moved up a notch.

     ‘Keep your shirt on officer, the only reason I asked is because if you were as old as I am with a prostate problem, sometimes half a mile can determine whether you arrive home with wet or dry pants. Not always. At the risk of incurring your wrath by asking another question, did you ask them why they were behind the gents’ toilet yesterday morning? Because if you didn’t I can tell you why. They meet up there quite frequently to smoke before going to school. I’ve told them twice this week that I would tell their parents.’

     ‘And did you tell their parents?’

     ‘Of course I didn’t. Had no intention of doing so. I don’t have a clue where they live. I just thought if I ticked them off they might think twice about what they were doing. Janet was right.’

     ‘Who is Janet?’

     ‘My wife. She always said I would get myself in trouble and it looks like she was right! Even from the grave. Damned irritating; ironic really, you see she died of lung cancer. That’s why I went to the trouble of trying to put those young girls off smoking.     

About the author

  

Robin short stories have appeared in CafeLit both on line and in print on a regular basis. He has also entered various writing competitions but has yet to get past being short listed. 

Did you enjoy the story? Would you like to shout us a coffee? Half of what you pay goes to the writers and half towards supporting the project (web site maintenance, preparing the next Best of book etc.)

Monday, 3 February 2025

The Lifeguard Murders by Maxine Flam, pink lemonade

 ‘Didn’t you love Lake Castaic?’ said Kelby to Miller with a smile on his face.

 

‘It was fabulous.  I’d like to go back there again.’

 

‘Fished early in the morning and then spent the rest of the day with my beautiful wife. We had a nice time, but it wasn’t long enough.’

 

Captain Reno stuck his head out of his office and said, ‘Joe, Bill, can you come here for a couple of minutes?’

 

As they walked in, they saw Marlene Jones, Lily Hatten, and Dr. Delmonico.

 

‘Hi ladies,’ they said in unison.

 

‘What’s up?’ asked Miller.

 

‘I need the four of you to work undercover on an assignment at the beach. Roberts and Pennington will be there too. I asked Dr. Delmonico to come here to give us a profile on our suspect,’ said Captain Reno.

 

‘So, what’s up Captain?’ Miller repeated.

 

‘We’ve been able to keep this out of the papers but there is a nut, maybe more, going around Malibu killing lifeguards.’

 

‘Huh? You’ve got to be kidding,’ said Kelby in disbelief.

 

‘I wish I were. The third murder took place this morning,’ said Captain Reno. ‘This time the lifeguard in question had an injury to the back of his head like he was struck with by blunt object maybe a rock to make it look like it was accidental.’

 

‘And you’re sure these deaths weren’t accidents?’ asked Miller.

 

‘The coroner looked at each one and by themselves, each could be viewed as accidental but when you take all three together, they look suspicious. Why don’t I turn the floor over to Dr. Delmonico?’ said Captain Reno.

 

‘I looked at the coroner reports and I concur that the deaths are suspicious. All three lifeguards were expert swimmers, but it appeared their cause of death was blunt force trauma. That leads me to think that who you’re looking for is a male in his early 20s, with anger issues, which developed more than likely because of a drowning death in the family. I believe the situation happened this way: a small child maybe five wandered into the ocean and his older brother saw him.  Maybe he was seven and he tried to get the attention of a lifeguard who was busy talking to a girl or eating or doing something other than paying attention to the ocean. The child saw his brother die but was too young to do anything about it. Now that he’s an adult, he’s exacting his revenge on lifeguards.

'I believe he’s tall and somewhat muscular because he can subdue a lifeguard. He probably used subterfuge to have the lifeguard leave his station alone and once alone, he hit his victim’s head with a large object or a rock. Or, and this is the scariest scenario, he’s a lifeguard and works for the county. He passed all the tests and works alongside his fellow lifeguards and kills them when no one is around.’

 

 ‘This is why I’ve asked Marlene Jones and Lily Hatten to join us in this undercover operation. You two are going in as lifeguards and Officers Jones and Hatten will be girls on the beach hanging about the lifeguard towers, but they will be additional eyes and ears. We have an idea who we are looking for, but there are many people who fit the description of the murderer. Many men go to the beach to surf, swim, and enjoy themselves with their girlfriends. The only things we can rule out are families and older people,’ said Reno.

 

‘So, are we going to be at the lifeguard station by ourselves and be expected to do rescues?’ asked Miller.

 

‘No, you will not have to be a certified lifeguard. One will be in the tower with you. However, you’ll need to keep on your toes. There will be four teams. Miller will be with Jones, Kelby with Hatten at the towers where the lifeguard bodies were found. The other two teams will be further down the beach,’ said Reno.

 

‘You know we won’t have anywhere to put a gun or a microphone for that matter,’ said Kelby.

 

‘The mics will be on the inside front of your briefs and the ladies’ swimsuits. Jones and Hatten will be covered more than you so they will be packing their guns in their robe pockets. You will have to rely on them to cover you.’ said Captain Reno.

 

‘I’m not real comfortable being without my gun,’ said Miller.

 

‘I’m sorry, Joe. Unfortunately, it must be done this way. How are your self-defense skills?’

 

‘I work out every week along with lifting weights.’

 

‘And you, Bill?’ said Reno.

 

‘I work out in addition to kickboxing. Are you interested in seeing my six pack?’ Kelby said half-laughing.

 

 

‘No, that’s not necessary but the self-defense may save your life. Know you have back-up with Jones and Hatten but you may have to get out of a jam on your own by your wits and cunning.’

 

‘How about Kelby and I wear baggie boxer shorts for the assignment, huh?’ asked Miller. ‘I’d be able to tape a .22 to my body then.’

 

‘Not a chance. The one thing that Southern California is known for is their sexy lifeguards. There is no way you can wear something that goes against that uniform.’

 

‘Even if it may say our lives?’ said Kelby.

 

‘That’s why you have Jones and Hatten for back-up,’ reiterated Reno.

 

Looking at Jones and Hatten, Miller said, ‘No offense officers but I feel naked without my gun.’

 

‘We will have eyes on you at all times,’ said Jones with Hatten nodding in agreement. The two ladies did their best not to laugh.

 

When Jones and Hatten left, Jones said, ‘It will be my pleasure to have eyes on Miller all the time.’

 

‘Why Marlene, you’re married?’ said Hatten shaking her head. I thought I knew you for the last two years working Vice and all this time you’ve been having lascivious thoughts.

 

‘Being married doesn’t mean I can’t look. As long as I have eyes, I can look, as long as I don’t touch,’ smiled a pleased Jones.

 

‘My husband will agree with me.’

 

‘You already had the pleasure of being with Miller when the two of you worked together on that undercover case where that nut case killed prostitutes and emasculated Johns.’

 

‘First, that was an assignment we were thrown together without any notice. Second, it ended as quickly as it began. Third, Miller was not into his part. But to answer your question, the way my marriage stays strong is my husband and I have an agreement. Looking is fine, just no touching. I had to cross the line on that assignment with Miller. Jimmy knew that. He was there watching. He wasn’t jealous because it was an assignment. We don’t worry about what the other one looks at. He buys the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition and Playboy. I’ve been working Vice for three years and I enjoy Playgirl magazine. We come home to each other every night. This lifeguard assignment is going to be sweet with being able to look at all those wonderful lifeguards on the beach.’

 

‘We still have to cover Miller and Kelby,’ said Hatten.

‘Now that will be my pleasure. Not much covering those fantastic bodies.’ Jones couldn’t keep from smirking.

 

‘You think they are talking about us like this.’

 

‘Absolutely. I don’t care how good a marriage is, it always needs a little spice.’

 

‘You know Jones, you’re a little devil.’

 

Jones looked at Hatten, smiled, and said, ‘Uh-huh.’

##

‘I don’t feel comfortable about this,’ said Miller to Kelby.

 

‘You think I do? What do I tell the missus?’

 

‘Nothing…you say nothing about the assignment. It’s business as usual, like we were on a stakeout because this is a stakeout at the beach. Remember the clown stakeout? Well instead of clown costumes and fright wigs, we’re wearing bathing suits.’

##

Miller, Kelby, Jones, and Hatten met at a trailer set up at the beach. It was central command for Captain Reno and a place the teams could come to on a break and get a bite to eat or something to drink. Miller and Kelby didn’t want to attract any conversation with their wives, so they left the house wearing their normal shirt and tie with beach attire underneath and would change when they got to the beach. They told the wives they were going to be on a stakeout, so please don’t call. They would call them when they could.

 

As Miller was leaving, his wife remarked, ‘It’s a good thing I’m not jealous.

 

‘That’s what you get for marrying a detective.’ Cheryl kissed her husband passionately as he slipped out the door.

 

Kelby’s wife was equally miffed. ‘Will you at least be home for dinner?’

 

‘If you make it later, yes, I will. What are you making?’

 

‘I was planning on making your favorite: meatloaf, green bean casserole, and mashed potatoes, apple pie for dessert, with a nice glass of red wine to wash it down.’

 

‘Great, I’ll do my best to be here on time or call but I’m sure I’ll be on time.’

 

Joanna smiled as she kissed her husband goodbye.

 

Jones told her husband what the assignment was, and he said he would drop by later in the day and Hatten was single so she didn’t have anyone to tell.

##

Miller and Kelby arrived at the trailer and just as they started to undress, there was a knock at the door.

 

‘Just a minute,’ Miller yelled.

 

‘Sure, sugar…I’m waitin’ fer you,’ said Jones kiddingly.

 

Miller looked at Kelby and said, ‘Oh shit.’

 

‘You knew it was gonna come to this. From your last assignment with her.’

 

‘But I don’t even have not have a robe to cover up.’

 

‘How do you think I feel? I’m just as much on display as you are, and I haven’t had any doings with Lily Hatten.’

 

Miller and Kelby finished undressing and opened the trailer door.

 

The ladies entered and Captain Reno looked at the four of them. He could barely contain his laughter.

 

Miller shot him a glance. ‘Now don’t you start.’

 

‘I didn’t say anything,’ said Captain Reno.

 

‘How are you boys doin’ this morning? I do declare.’ said Jones in a fake southern drawl as she looked each of them up and down.

 

‘Give us a break, please,’ said Kelby as he looked from Jones to Hatten and back to Jones.

Hatten gave the innocent me look. Then said, ‘I didn’t say a word. Not a word but if it were to say something, it would be…. OOOO La La.’

 

‘That doesn’t help. Not one bit,’ replied Kelby.

 

The ladies were already dressed in their swimsuits covered by their robes. They needed to be wired up. Miller and Kelby stood there trying to be a nonchalant but the more they tried, the more uptight they got. Kelby’s face turned red.

 

‘Bill, sit down, please, said Reno. ‘Did you take your high blood pressure medicine today?’

 

‘I went off that months ago,’ said Kelby.

 

‘Call the county lifeguard doctor and ask him to come out,’ Reno said to his assistant.

 

‘I think you’re blowing this out of proportion, Captain.’

 

‘Maybe, but better to be safe than sorry.’

 

‘Do me a favor, Kelby, lie down till the doctor checks you out.’

 

Twenty minutes passed. The doctor arrived.  Kelby was lying down on his left side and when the doctor came in, he turned on his back to be examined while everyone waited outside. His blood pressure was on the high side of normal. He was given a shot of metoprolol and was retested twenty minutes later. His BP was back to normal.

 

‘Doc,’ said Reno, ‘We’re on an assignment to catch a lifeguard killer. Can Kelby work or should we replace him?’

‘He can work but he needs to see his family doctor later today or tomorrow.’

 

‘Thanks.’

 

Kelby left the trailer to join his partner outside.

 

‘Do you know what could have caused his problem today?’ asked the doctor so he could include it in his report.

 

‘I think he was embarrassed being so scantily clad in front of the lady officers outside.’

 

‘Seriously?’ said the doctor. ‘With a physique like his, he should be used to people looking at him.’

 

‘He’s a cop, not a lifeguard.’

 

‘Well, tell him what I said and have him not think about it but if he ever wanted to leave the force, he could get a job posing for Playgirl.’

 

‘Good day, Doc,’ said Reno thinking that’s the last thing he’d tell Kelby or Miller for that matter.

 

‘Good day.’

 

The doctor left and Reno told Kelby to follow up with his family doctor. ‘Ok let’s try to catch a killer. Here are your wireless mics. I’ll let you position them.’ He stared at all four of them and wished he was anywhere but heading this assignment. ‘Miller, Kelby, go to your assigned towers, and Jones, Hatten, go stake out a place in the sand to watch them. You’ll need to be far back but not too far so that if something happened you couldn’t react. Ladies, make sure you take sunscreen, an umbrella, towels, and a water bottle. Boys, take the sunscreen and your water bottles.’

The teams took their places at the lifeguard towers. They were forty-five minutes late, but the real lifeguards had been radioed about the delay.

##

 

Here comes the cop lifeguards. Just who do they think they’re fooling. Not me. I’m gonna kill me a lifeguard today, or maybe a cop posing as one. Better yet…They’re all bastards, preventing me finding the real killer of my brother. Yeah….

 

##

 

Miller climbed the steps up into Tower 1 and Kelby went to Tower 2.

 

The girls went to their respective towers, pitched their umbrellas, laid their towels, and got comfortable. What a derriere thought Marlene Jones about Joe Miller. Phew, is it hot out here or what???

 

Lily Hatten was having the same kind of thoughts about Bill Kelby, except, why does he have to be married. What a body!

 

##

 

‘This is Joe, testing one, two, three.’

 

‘I read you,’ said Reno.

 

‘Hey, I was thinking. Are these microphones waterproof?’

 

‘No, they aren’t so if you mean will the hair on your body stand on end if it touches water, the answer is yes.’

‘Charming.’

 

‘This is Bill, testing.’

 

‘I read you,’ replied Reno.

 

‘So, we’ll get shocked if we go into the ocean.’

 

‘Unfortunately, yes. Sorry.’

 

‘I bet you are.’

 

‘Roberts.’

 

‘Yes. I’ve been here forty-five minutes and not a movement or a living soul walking around my tower,’ said Roberts.

 

‘Pennington?’

 

‘Yes, here.’

 

‘Anything?’ asked Reno.

 

‘Not a damn thing.’

 

‘Keep your eyes open and peeled.’

 

‘As opposed to closed and dead?’ said Kelby sarcastically.

 

‘I heard that,’ said Reno.

 

Miller looked at the ocean when suddenly the lifeguard with him grabbed him around the throat with the binocular strap and started to strangle him. As Miller struggled to get the binocular strap off with his right hand, he managed to touch his microphone activating one long screech with his left hand which was Miller and Kelby’s signal for trouble.  

 

Only Kelby knew that Miller was in trouble and Kelby shouted into the microphone to go to Tower 1, NOW! Miller struggled with the lifeguard while the lifeguard screamed ‘I’m going to kill you, you bastard.’ Kelby had jumped down from Tower 2 and was running toward Tower 1 with Hatten converging on the tower followed by Jones as she didn’t hear the initial tone. Just before Kelby entered Tower 1, Miller got the lifeguard to the back of the Tower fighting him with every blow. Miller grabbed him by the back and flipped him out the tower window to the sand below. Miller leaned out so far out he nearly went out the tower with him but caught himself. Miller dropped onto tower floor out of breath when Kelby got there.

 

‘Are you okay, partner?’ asked Kelby.

 

Miller couldn’t answer. All he could do was lie on the floor and work to catch his breath.

 

‘What’s going on, will someone answer me?’ screamed Reno into his mic.

 

‘Miller needs oxygen,’ Kelby yelled back. ‘Call the doc.’

 

Hatten looked throughout the tower and found a small canister of oxygen, turned it on, and put it over Miller’s nose and mouth.

 

Jones went over to Miller touching his cheek and said, ‘Just rest.’

 

The county doctor hadn’t gotten far with a call a little way down the beach when he left Kelby. He was there within ten minutes.

 

He checked on the lifeguard. He was dead. The fall broke his neck.  

The doctor climbed the tower stairs and examined Miller. ‘He had his air cut off for a minute or so. He’s going to be lightheaded and dizzy for a while. I suggest you leave him on the floor and make him as comfortable as possible for the next half hour to an hour.’

 

Kelby couldn’t resist making a joke. ‘He’s lightheaded and dizzy lots of time and he’s never had to lie down before.’

Miller could barely lift his head but heard the remark and laughed.

Jones and Hatten said their goodbyes to the boys and left the tower to turn in their equipment and get a bite to eat.

 

‘Well, I guess that’s it for this assignment. We can knock off early as each of us will have to go to the doctor AND keep it from the wives,’ said Kelby. ‘At least we’ll be home for dinner on time.’

 

‘That’s the only good thing I can say about this assignment except we got to work with Jones and Hatten again but don’t tell them that. Keep it between us,’ whispered Miller through the oxygen mask.

 

‘Yeah, but we can’t tell the wives that either.’

 

‘Nope!’ Miller closed his eyes and went to sleep.

About the author 

 

Since becoming disabled in 2015, Maxine took up her passion for writing. She has been published several times in the Los Angeles Daily News, The Epoch Times, Nail Polish Stories, DarkWinterLit, BrightFlashLiteraryReview, OtherwiseEngagedLit, CafeLit, Maudlin House, and TheMetaworker.com

Did you enjoy the story? Would you like to shout us a coffee? Half of what you pay goes to the writers and half towards supporting the project (web site maintenance, preparing the next Best of book etc.)

Sunday, 2 February 2025

Sudnay Serial 280 x 70: 48 Fix You, espresso

 

Introduction

This collection is a collection of seventy stories, each 280 words. They were inspired by the first picture seen on my Twitter feed on a given day. 

 Fix You

M-Sarah dropped the plate which smashed into the tiled floor. The humanoid bit her lip. "Why do I pay all this money for a machine that can break the crockery even more spectacularly than I can? Where's the sense?"

M-Sarah started the diagnostics straight away. "I will find the problem,” she said. "It will be fixed within an hour and the plate will be reprinted."

"You'd better. Or it's back to the factory for you.”

M-Sarah ran a full physical test.  There was nothing to report. All joints and levers were working perfectly.

It must be to do with the data centre. She initiated a data scan. All software appeared to be working. No bugs. No glitches. No crashes.

So could it be a connectivity problem? A lack of communication? She now ran a series of tests that made sure every physical part responded effectively to the messages from the data-centre. All was working perfectly.

There was nothing to fix. This state of the art self-fixing robot was functioning exactly as it should.  

"Well?" The humanoid was frowning.

"It seems to have been an error of judgement.

"Is that even possible?"

M-Sarah shrugged. "We're only ever as good as the people who programmed us."

"But you're supposed to be immune to human error."

"Apparently not. Do you suppose I'm becoming human?"

"Ye gods. I hope not."

A clunk and whirr form the printer now confirmed that the plate had been manufactured. At least she could still multi-task. She'd copied one of the other plates and monitored the printer while she was completing the other checks. In future she would just have to concentrate more when she was unloading the dishwasher.              

 

About the  author  

Thank you for considering my work.  

Gill James is published by The Red Telephone, Butterfly and Chapeltown.  

She edits CafeLit and writes for the online community news magazine: Talking About My Generation.

She teaches Creative Writing and has an MA in Writing for Children and PhD in Creative and Critical Writing.    

http://www.gilljameswriter.com  

https://www.amazon.co.uk/-/e/B001KMQRKE

https://www.facebook.com/gilljameswriter 

 

Did you enjoy the story? Would you like to shout us a coffee? Half of what you pay goes to the writers and half towards supporting the project (web site maintenance, preparing the next Best of book etc.)